Your maladaptive daydreaming is not your fault

Maladaptive daydreamers tend to blame their daydreaming for a lot of things. We tell ourselves we can’t achieve our career goals because we’ve wasted so much time daydreaming. We tell ourselves we can’t have a fulfilling romantic relationship because our daydreaming has left us with unrealistic expectations. We tell ourselves that we’re bad or weirdContinue reading “Your maladaptive daydreaming is not your fault”

Ending a daydream relationship

It’s common to daydream about romantic relationships. And it’s possible to fall deeply in love with someone you’re only dating in your imagination. In fact, it’s possible to fall in love with someone who doesn’t even exist. Sometimes daydream relationships can endure for years and be a source of comfort and inspiration. But sometimes youContinue reading “Ending a daydream relationship”

Don’t fight the wrong battle

As long as you keep secrets and suppress information, you are fundamentally at war with yourself. Bessel A. van der Kolk Bessel van der Kolk’s words are particularly relevant to daydreamers. For all the harm that maladaptive daydreaming can do, it’s important to remember that all maladaptive daydreamers were born immersive daydreamers. Our daydreaming isContinue reading “Don’t fight the wrong battle”

Nine other reasons to get your maladaptive daydreaming under control

If you’re struggling with maladaptive daydreaming disorder, you already know how much time your daydreaming is stealing from you. It’s not unusual for maladaptive daydreamers to spend upwards of four hours a day lost in fantasy. That’s more than a whole day every week, or two months out of every year. If you’re a maladaptiveContinue reading “Nine other reasons to get your maladaptive daydreaming under control”

When coming back to reality is painful

There are several reasons we might feel bad about daydreaming, but a common one is that when we come back to reality we confront the heartbreaking fact that all the wonderful things that just happened in the daydream world aren’t real. That realisation – that real life is less fulfilling than fantasy – is painful.Continue reading “When coming back to reality is painful”

Three ways maladaptive daydreaming makes you feel bad about yourself

Many maladaptive daydreamers don’t like themselves very much, and when you don’t like or respect yourself, you tend to act in ways that reinforce the idea that you’re a bad person. Although I don’t believe that immersive daydreaming is, in itself, a bad thing, I do think that if your daydreaming is more on theContinue reading “Three ways maladaptive daydreaming makes you feel bad about yourself”

Taking responsibility for your daydreaming

You were born a daydreamer. It’s the way your mind works, and that ability you have to create a parallel universe filled with interesting people and experiences is something you will never lose. But if you’re a maladaptive daydreamer, you’re probably very aware of the negative effects that daydreaming can have on your life, andContinue reading “Taking responsibility for your daydreaming”

Why maladaptive daydreamers can struggle with real-life friendships

Many of us retreated into our imaginary worlds because we were lonely. But it can also work the other way. In addition to loneliness triggering maladaptive daydreaming, maladaptive daydreaming can make it more difficult to make and sustain real-life friendships, leading to us becoming isolated and lonely. There are several reasons why maladaptive daydreaming canContinue reading “Why maladaptive daydreamers can struggle with real-life friendships”

Why you shouldn’t be ashamed of your daydreaming

Everyone experiences shame. It’s that little voice in your head that tells you that you aren’t good enough, or that you don’t deserve to be successful, or that nobody loves you. And for a lot of maladaptive daydreamers, it’s the voice that says that daydreaming makes you a bad person or is a sign thatContinue reading “Why you shouldn’t be ashamed of your daydreaming”

Do daydreamers struggle to know who they really are?

This post follows on from an earlier post where I explored how becoming an idealised version of ourselves in our daydreams affects the skills and strengths we bring to our real life. But recently, I’ve also been reflecting on the potential problems of spending too much time being somebody different. Everyone, regardless of their daydreamingContinue reading “Do daydreamers struggle to know who they really are?”