Does your name matter? And why I felt I had to change mine.

When I was a child, I used to daydream in third person. Back then, I didn’t like myself much, and I’ve often wondered whether I felt I didn’t deserve to be in my daydreams. In both real-life and the daydream world, I was an observer, not a participant. But even then, my daydreams always includedContinue reading “Does your name matter? And why I felt I had to change mine.”

The difference between a daydream relationship and limerence

At one time or another, most of us have mentally dated someone we’re not involved with in real life, whether that’s someone who’s unavailable or not interested, a celebrity we have a crush on, or a character we’ve invented to fill a need for connection and intimacy. But when we daydream about a real person,Continue reading “The difference between a daydream relationship and limerence”

Negative daydreams, part 2. Using DBT to create a calm alternative to distressing themes

Last week, I explored some possible reasons why we might daydream about things that upset us. Here, I’m going to look at how a technique from Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) can help us break out of a cycle of distressing daydreams. This technique, called “IMPROVE the moment”, is a crisis-management technique. That means it doesn’tContinue reading “Negative daydreams, part 2. Using DBT to create a calm alternative to distressing themes”

Negative daydreams, part 1: why do we daydream about upsetting things?

Although many of us have difficulty limiting the amount of time we spend daydreaming, most of us have at least some control over what we daydream about. Our daydreams are so vivid that they can generate real and intense emotional responses. So why is it that we sometimes daydream upsetting scenes that cause us veryContinue reading “Negative daydreams, part 1: why do we daydream about upsetting things?”

Three ways my imaginary friends help me in real life

Since I started consciously using my daydreaming to enhance my real life, two of my characters have evolved beyond the plot and become a key part of how I succeed in life. So for the purposes of this post, I’m going to draw a distinction between characters and imaginary friends. My characters (I probably haveContinue reading “Three ways my imaginary friends help me in real life”

Immersive daydreaming and flow – distinctions and similarities

Professor Eli Somer describes immersive and maladaptive daydreaming as states of dissociative absorption. Let’s break down what that means. Absorption is the process of becoming absorbed, focussing or concentrating intently on one thing and ignoring any distractions. Dissociation means a disconnection or separation. When we become dissociated, we become detached from reality and lose ourContinue reading “Immersive daydreaming and flow – distinctions and similarities”

Healing my inner child – a daydreaming experiment

In the last few weeks, I’ve realised that many of my negative thoughts and emotions come to me in the voice of a traumatised yet defiant seven-year-old stamping her foot and shouting that life isn’t fair. I’ve been asking myself why my wounded inner child shows up as a seven-year-old, and I think it’s becauseContinue reading “Healing my inner child – a daydreaming experiment”

Acknowledging the reality of your daydreams

It’s very easy to dismiss our daydreams as pure fantasy, and to draw a very firm distinction between the reality of our real life and the fiction of our daydream world. But it’s worth remembering that even though your daydream world only exists in your head, there are aspects of your daydreaming that reflect whoContinue reading “Acknowledging the reality of your daydreams”

3 simple hacks to turn your daydreaming into a healthy habit

For most of us, excessive daydreaming started out as a coping mechanism. A coping mechanism is any strategy our mind uses to protect us from psychological harm. In the beginning we were doing what we needed to do to protect ourselves. Excessive daydreaming often begins in childhood, when many of the psychological stressors we wereContinue reading “3 simple hacks to turn your daydreaming into a healthy habit”

Can you have a healthy relationship with someone who only exists in your head?

A fundamental part of the way we daydream is that we make up characters. They might be completely fictional, brought in when the plot line requires them, or they might be based on someone we know or wish we knew. If these characters stick around for any length of time, it’s likely we’ll become emotionallyContinue reading “Can you have a healthy relationship with someone who only exists in your head?”