Your maladaptive daydreaming is not your fault

Maladaptive daydreamers tend to blame their daydreaming for a lot of things. We tell ourselves we can’t achieve our career goals because we’ve wasted so much time daydreaming. We tell ourselves we can’t have a fulfilling romantic relationship because our daydreaming has left us with unrealistic expectations. We tell ourselves that we’re bad or weirdContinue reading “Your maladaptive daydreaming is not your fault”

When coming back to reality is painful

There are several reasons we might feel bad about daydreaming, but a common one is that when we come back to reality we confront the heartbreaking fact that all the wonderful things that just happened in the daydream world aren’t real. That realisation – that real life is less fulfilling than fantasy – is painful.Continue reading “When coming back to reality is painful”

Why you shouldn’t be ashamed of your daydreaming

Everyone experiences shame. It’s that little voice in your head that tells you that you aren’t good enough, or that you don’t deserve to be successful, or that nobody loves you. And for a lot of maladaptive daydreamers, it’s the voice that says that daydreaming makes you a bad person or is a sign thatContinue reading “Why you shouldn’t be ashamed of your daydreaming”

Moving forward when the future is uncertain or out of your control

Do you ever think that everything will be OK when you get a new job/your crush notices you/you have time/conditions are perfect, etc? I think we daydreamers do this a lot. In our daydream worlds, we can make everything perfect. We can control everything. So when confronted with a real-life situation that’s outside our control,Continue reading “Moving forward when the future is uncertain or out of your control”

Do we become more authentic in our daydreams?

I have been listening to the excellent The Wisdom of Trauma this week – as I’ve mentioned before, I think Gabor Maté’s work on childhood trauma and addiction has a lot to teach us about why some people get sucked into maladaptive daydreaming at a young age. In an interview between Gabor Maté and StephenContinue reading “Do we become more authentic in our daydreams?”

Perfect doesn’t exist in real life

In real life, there’s no such thing as perfect. Normative daydreamers figure this out early on, but immersive and maladaptive daydreamers have a much harder time of it. Having total control over our daydream world means that we can make it perfect, and many of us do. I don’t think there’s a problem with that,Continue reading “Perfect doesn’t exist in real life”